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An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the
time had come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the
conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through
the heart.
The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she
phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two
inches below her left nipple.
So she shot herself in the left kneecap.
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There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their Asses!
85% of women think their ass is too big
10% of women think their ass is too little
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, And they
would have married him anyway.
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A study in the United Kingdom showed that the kind of male face that a woman
finds attractive can differ on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine
features, and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man
with a scissors shoved in his temple.
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A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a
young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He said, "I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the
product?"
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"And if you don’t mind my asking, what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex."
The researcher was a little taken aback. He said, "Usually people lie to
me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a
gate hinge. But, in fact, I know most people do use it for sex. I admire
you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me
exactly how you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put
it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."
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Her Shoe
A man and a woman were dating. She being of a
religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so
bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving
habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles
per hour over the speed limit you drive, I"ll remove one piece of clothing.
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so
she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at
70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had
before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the
road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he
was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself
with!" she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put
this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck
driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her
story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if
he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!" |
